My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
