Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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