im about as happy as oj after his trial
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
