The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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