My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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