do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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