You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
