piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
420 ftw
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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