You can't special order awesome
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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