one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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