she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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