it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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