one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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