ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
