i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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