I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
