She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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