you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
