Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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