You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
