dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
