This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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