Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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