What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
