She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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