he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
