i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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