Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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