Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
