if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
