so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
