honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
