My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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