First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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