I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
