oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
