not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
