i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
