I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
