you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
