Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my phone needs a breathalizer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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