i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
