What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
