One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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