Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Randomize
