he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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