I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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