six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
