honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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