question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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