You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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